Monday, November 28, 2016

Alcoholism At A Young Age

Here's the thing......Alcoholism is a thing and we shouldn't avoid it. I can't avoid it.

So...being an alcoholic or, for me rather, being dependent on alcohol is consider taboo and never really talked about unless presented to someone's immediate attention. I think we as a society should talk about it more and to younger groups. I know there are some who don't particularly see it as an "acceptable" problem, that if it doesn't happen to them than I doesn't matter. The problem with this mentality is someone extremely close to you could be suffering and you'd never know because it's "not important" enough for them to feel the need to share with anyone.

I am 21 years old, the legal drinking age in the US. To tell you about my current struggle with alcohol, I'll have to tell you about how I grew around the problem.

I am Native American and grew up on a reservation. I'm sure you've heard jokes about the average blood alcohol level of my people or the town drunk wondering if he can use his welfare check for booze...It's not a joke. The predisposition I have to alcoholism is actually quite scary. My grandmothers and grandfathers on both sides of my family are alcoholics and all but one has died from cancer or liver failure. My aunts and uncles were allowed to party as teens even on the nights they were babysitting me because, hey, it was a free babysitter. On New Years Eve when I was 8, my 17 year old uncle passed out drunk on a cold walk home and was run over by a car that couldn't stop because of the icy roads. My reservation is a poor, seedy place where people get stuck in because everything but the casino and alcohol is expensive. But despite that, I got out.

Moving to a town in my teens wasn't really what I wanted but my mom has always known what's best. The thing was, it was a small town with nothing to do for teens but steal their parents booze and party on the lakes or in cabins. So that's what I did on the weekends for four years. Small party here, lake cabin there, camping here, someone's basement there. We had problems and no one liked to talk about it to parents, teachers (most happened to be a friend's parent), or any kind of adult that might happen to tattle. My sophomore year I didn't go to prom but I had plenty of parties to go to after. One was in the woods somewhere and I made it there and back thanks to my mom (shout out to a bomb mom) but I had friends who barely did. Two trucks full of seniors decided to race, one flew into the ditch and flipped, kids picked the others out of the truck and they all went home and left the truck until morning. My friend ended up breaking her arm and never went to the hospital until way after because she didn't want her parents to know her boyfriend drove drunk.

Now, I live in a small city and I have a house and all the books and nice neighbors a girl could ask for. I live in Fargo, North Dakota and it is actually the drunkest city in America. Fargo also has more bars than the state of Utah, the ENTIRE state. I'd like to blame my city but I'm just going to take full responsibility for the awful things I've done and the stupid things I get myself into.

I've done some terrible things since turning 21 last Christmas Eve. I don't remember half of the things but I can't decide if that's a gift or burden. I've been punched and done the punching, I've kissed those I wasn't supposed to and made people uncomfortable with how open I am with my mouth, I've been kissed by people who belong to others and have gotten in trouble, I've puked and peed in ridiculous places, I've tried to jump off a fire escape and simply laughed it off, I've driven numerous times and unaware how I got home...I have been a wreck.

With all that has happened, people have noticed. I've had friends begging me to save myself. I'm not angry about the genuine worry and polite confrontation needed to push me in the right direction. I'm just happy there's enough people in the world that realize I'm not just the alcohol and that it does control me and make me do things I'd never think about doing. I want to say I can change and be better but it all starts with changing my routines and who I hang out with. From now on, I don't want the goal out of a night out to be getting trashed. I want to be able to have fun without alcohol and without people who also need alcohol. I don't want to be like this forever.

If you've ever felt like you may have a problrm, there are people out here who are willing to help despite being strangers. Here are some websites that you can check out;

I'd also really like to thank Lucy for addressing this problem within herself and sharing alcoholism as an actual problem and creating awareness on the subject. She has an amazing YouTube channel if you wanna check that out as well!

Thank you for your time! See ya around x


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